XYZ Column: Might B Selfish

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I have noticed that someone I am dating is acting funny. We both have agreed to date other people, that we aren’t committed to one another. Things were cool at first, but now she doesn’t want to hear about my other dates or gets upset when I bump into her when I’m out with someone else. I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship right now, but I dig her and don’t want to lose what we have. Not sure I want to stop dating other people, or maybe I’m just scared of the commitment. I don’t know, I’m trying to figure this out. Signed, Might B Selfish

X – Dear Might B Selfish,

It sounds like someone is starting to gain more feelings for the other. No one wants to hear about another person when their feelings and especially their heart is involved. If you are scared of commitment, be honest and let them know. In my opinion, being upfront about where you are and totally honest of what that looks like is always best. It does not always feel like it is the best because people may leave the relationship because it’s not for them, but at the end of the day you are your true self and come to the table with TRUTH. In the meantime, please stop sharing your dates with this person that you “dig”. It is selfish, rude, and it is not appropriate. Tell your homie or BFF about your conquests, but a person that you are interested in or has interest in you is not the person. Ask yourself why do you feel the need to tell her about you time with another person that you were with if you again “dig” her so much. To me it sounds like she has more invested in this relationship of dating than you are willing to give at this time, which is cool, but have the convo of where you are right now and then STOP talking about your time with someone else. If you run into her, speak and keep it moving OR ask her how she would like to handle it (speak or not speak) and honor their wishes. You’ve really got to stop being selfish and start being a little more considerate of the other person.

Y – I think you signed your name perfectly…because yes you are being selfish. Her reaction is a clear sign of how strong she feels for you. She probably agreed to date other people because she does care about you, didn’t want to lose you, and felt that was the only way to keep you. If you don’t want to commit that’s fine, but don’t string her along. I’m all for dating and having fun as long as you aren’t hurting people in the process. I’d say either date her exclusively or make sure she knows she’s just a friend, the in-between obviously doesn’t work for her.

– You can take the “might” out of the signature, in my opinion. There is nothing at all wrong with you not being ready for a commitment. What is not o.k. is holding someone back from “love” by holding on to them. What is worth exploring is if you really “dig” them, as you say, why you don’t want to let her go? Is it that you don’t want her to fall for someone else? Sit with yourself and think. Be true to yourself. Be true to her.

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